On a side note we also ran to a few stores and made returns. One of the return places happened to be Aerie (where I went a few days ago for some smiles) And wouldn't you know that those sales ladies remembered me. (I gloated a bit.) AND they remembered something that happened that I forgot. So I'll share.
Remember my friend whom I won't name? Well, Murnice was in her son's way - and he hollered out, "move out of the way you old hag!".
Ok.
1) Murnice a hag? A seven year old? *chortle*
2) Who is calling who a hag at home I wonder . . .
3) The sales lady was still laughing about this 3 days later. Most perfect.
Anyway, a summary of our
Grossest thing observed:
30ish looking man with beard who was maybe attractive walking out behind a mom and two teenager daughters. Man could not look at anything besides the teenagers. I gagged twice. And farted once. On him. Or, too him. And then I rolled down the window and hollered "hey ya big fat perv" and then threw my half gnawed apple core at him.
Sweetest thing said by Murnice:
After I had returned my PURPLE watering hole and we were driving to the new location of momhood, Murnice began to console me from the backseat. Now I never mentioned that I was indeed a bit heartbroken that the stupid hunk of junk had the nerve to shatter. Actually, today I wasn't sad. It was two weeks ago that I was sad. But Murnice felt the need to console none the less. She's just going on and on about how we should just really look for a few one. And it was SO selfish of the other buyers to buy the good watering hole and leave us the broken one . . . and then she says, "well mom, I guess the soldiers are just going to have to fix your broken heart."
Most annoying part of my whole day:
I don't know directions/locations/area/left or right/NESW. I just have to use the GPS. So I typed in a yard sale address that didn't start until 12pm. (annoyed #1) The yard sale ended up being on the complete other side of the city. (annoyed #2) We finally got to the right road but the GPS took us further down than we needed to go - right to the brink of road work where i needed to wait in the slow/stop line. Waited my turn, went through the one-laned road, pulled a U-turn, almost got rear-ended, almost got t-boned, then went back through the one-laned road (after waiting our turn) to arrive at the yard sale (annoyed #3, #4, #5, and #6) This yard sale was the most chaotic occurrences that I have been privy to in awhile. Some tables with heaps of unmarked items. (annoyed #7) Some items on other tables had prices. Women were standing everywhere. Actually they were all bent over digging through boxes on the ground. Like crazed rodents. A cackle would occur periodically. There was this heap of items on the ground. It was a nice heap that had interesting things in it - but nobody was hovering. So I made a loud "IS THIS ANYBODY'S PILE"? All those cackling rodents stood up straight, stared at me with huge toothy smiles and nodded vigorously "yes, yes I THINK it is". (annoyed #8) Well, either it is or it isn't - because it looks like the rest of this heap of a sale. (I kept that to myself) I was finally ready to be done - had my 3 items in hand. One item had a price. Two items did not. *growl* I stood next to the table that had a metal cash box on it. And I stood there. For while. I scanned the crowd trying to make eye contact with somebody. Maybe even catch a glimpse of the "I'm in charge" face. Nothing. (annoyed #9) Once again I used my precious voice to get what I wanted, "WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE"? Oh, it's the lady who looks like she just smoked a pack of doobies. Excellent. I marched up to this lady and said, "are you in charge?" (I felt double asking was best) And she chaotically said, "well . . yes . . .um . . . um . . . .I guess . . . I think . . . " all while looking around the area. (annoyed #10) GET IT TOGETHER LADY!!!!! Then mysteriously, another lady who looked like she inhaled a lot of the doobie smoke, appeared right next to the first lady (who, by the way was wearing Jerusalem cruisers with white socks) They finally get it together enough to come up with a price for my two items that are price-less. AND THEN inform me that I owe "Socks" $2 and "Mystery Woman" $3. So I said, "you want me to pay you two separately? As in hand money to you and then hand money to you?" (annoyed #11) And they actually had the guts to say, "yeah. We couldn't figure out how to do it any other way." (annoyed #5 million) I am like a raging lunatic at this point. I am working with a bunch of idiots. Or maybe I was just feeling a bit dramatic today and I'm being too harsh. Blah!
Self-pity moment of the day:
Walking to a yard sale 5 streets over and see the girl who I wanted to be friends with 3 years ago, but she turned me down because I wasn't cool enough. Actually I think she turned me down because I mentioned something about wanting to talk about sex and maybe I was a little too blunt with my wordage. And probably because I didn't talk in a soft voice and probably because I have a mom butt. Waaaaaa
Take Aways
1) If you leave a comment on any of these here posts, write your name. Otherwise you'll miss out on me having fond thoughts of you because I won't know who to direct my fond thoughts to.
2) If you ever have this impulsive need to get things really randy in the bedroom, wake up singing this song to your lover. They get really excited.
3) Big D is home from work and I'm too grumpy, hungry, distracted to say anything else.
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