Where I've Been - Day 1

I have so much to say, and no organizational skills this morning.  So, long chaotic reading coming right up.

The Witherhalls were out of town for the past 40 hours.  And Big D planned the whole trip.  That sounds nice when I say that, like it was a romantic/surprise sort of thing.  But the truth of the matter is:  I was a weeny whiny baby who didn't want to go on this trip and refused to do ANYTHING to help get this trip in order.  Including packing.  Which I did a few hours before we left.  But I told Big D he had to do it since it was his trip - and then I got really scared and did it myself.

Apparently being a poo nose wife works out in the end.  Because it turns out, Big D arose to the challenge and out did himself.  Maybe it's not so much that he arose to the challenge, but more so that these bounding chains of controlling wife-hood removed themselves and he was able to work as a free man.  Hmmph

We left around 6 am Wednesday morning.-  A whole day later due to Ed waking up Monday with a not pleasant fever and attitude that went with it. - Our destination:  Sight and Sound Theater.

Weeny Whiny Baby Fit #1
WHO in their right mind names something this.  It sounds like I'm going to be entertained by some puppets.  Possibly Barney.  Does this place have metal detectors?  I'm thinking I may need to bring something in this joint to end my pain.  (Was that inappropriate?)  A little dramatic?  But that's where my mind was at.  I'm all for doing things for the kids - but when it comes to stage performances that are specifically for children.  Small children.  - I will gladly deprive.  Without an ounce of sorrow or guilt.

I was so tired of hearing Big D say, "sight and sound theater" that I enforced the rule of calling it "ABC Train".  And that made me feel better.

So, ABC Train actually is a big deal.  Only 2 in the country.  Which makes me think country = world.  So, big deal.  And it's a stage performance of bible stories.  (Sounds super lame - abc trainish)  But remember I said it's a big deal.  So if you can think about bible stories in a big deal sort of way, maybe you'll be able to picture a large auditorium, mind blowing sets, beautiful costumes, (can I just say, the hair of these actors was enough for me.  Oh yeah, and Shem) live animals, and lots of theater effects of lights and sounds.  We saw "Noah".  Now, my favorite part was the second half of show.  Because the second half was when Noah and his family were on the ark.  And all the way around this gigundas arena were curtains (that you didn't know were curtains)  And they dropped the curtains, and for FOUR STORIES up - all the way around - were animals.  In real simple terms - they made it so it felt/looked like you were on the ark.

And now I'm going to have to say:  (Big D don't read this) I have to recommend this joint.  They are showing Noah until November and then a new show begins.

Also, Big D really got top notch seats.  Not sure if it was by the lucky front teeth of his head, or by researching - but they could not have been any better.  I spanked him on the bottom two times and said "thank you".

After the showboat we drove to IKEA to return this.  It made my house smell like a beef patty.  And that doesn't work well in a mole hole house such as I have.  You need a nice big house, one where you can really showcase this fine piece of meat.

Now this was my first trip to IKEA where I did not have to buy a large piece of furniture.  Which got me REALLY excited.  And Big D promptly fell into the depths of despair.  Pouted a thousand pouts.  Shed two tears.  And growled.  I pretended that I heard none of it.  And with my best smile I bode him farewell and marched my bottom straight into creative land.  Where for the first time EVER I had the chance to look at the small things.  I think I almost hyperventilated and did 3 skippy twirls.  And then as fast as I could, I waltzed through the top half of the store - grabbing small items that made me smile.  Worked my way down to the bottom half.  Ran into Big D. Hid around a corner, slowed my breathing and continued to shop like I didn't have some grumpy husband that I would have to contend with in the near future.

And Big D will say things like, "the reason I get so grumpy is because I have to entertain Ed".  Ok, personally - Ed entertains himself with climbing on all the furniture.  Big D only has to supervise.  And because supervising is not what HE wants to do - he pouts.  And becomes very dramatic.  And there is no hope for our children because they have 2 parents who are both selfish and dramatic.

I finally finished.  Really, it took 1 hour. Which I think is Houdini work. And Big D says, "lets get dinner here".  And I said, "no".  IKEA is not the most romantic place to eat.  Cheap - yes.  Convenient - yes.  But I wasn't feeling cheap or convenient that night.  I felt like a queen - with my small pretty purchases.  And my belly wanted to match my head.

So Big D did a lot of research (3 chapters of On the Banks of Plum Creek worth)  But it was worth it.  And he found this incredibly delicious and perfect place that was not only scrum scrum and fit this romantic desire, but also grand for bringing piglets too.  We appropriately slopped up the place.  And our clothes.

I think we held hands for 3 seconds walking back to the car.  Smiled satisfactorily.  Farted once.  And headed to the mystery hotel.  That Big D said was in the ghetto.

Now I know for a fact - something the Whitherhalls don't go light on - are hotel rooms.  We made that decision early on in our marriage - after far too many scary nights of threats of bugs, hairy pillows, and green and gold comforters.  So, I was not worried about this ghetto place.

And sure enough, we drive into this brickyard where they just cleaned up a crime scene, and there beholds an old factory they turned into some artistically satisfying hotel.

Plans for the Night
1)  Give kids shower.  (I can't remember the last time they actually were covered in soap and water.)
2)  Turn tv on to some kid show and put kids to bed.
3)  Kids fall asleep immediately.
4)  Adults order room service and watch interesting adult shows.
5)  Giggle five times.
6)  Be groped seven times.
7)  Fall asleep happy and snuggled with tv still on.

How the Night Actually Went
1)  Kids got bathed but only after Big D crawled in the shower with them because they both were screaming.
2)  Turned tv on only to realize the only appropriate kid show was a tree-house building show on the animal planet.  Nothing kid about it - except there were no disrespectful brats or nudity.
3)  Kids are bored with show which only excites them and they refuse to sleep in their bed.
4)  Big D complains about how hot the room is and sprawls out in the bed in a grumpy huff.
5)  Kids jump around one too many times, land on Big D's peener.
6)  Big D sends kids to their own bed = tears.
7)  Big D falls asleep in 3 seconds.
8)  Foxy watches the rest of the tree-house show and falls asleep.
9)  Two hours later, Ed falls out of bed and ends up in ours = endless kicking to the face for the remaining 4 hours of sleep that remain in our busy schedule that Big D has planned.

Two Highlights of the First Day (with an extra highlight, and an extra)
1)  Almost getting into a fight with the Mexicans
2)  The 'Easy On, Easy Off' sign on the highway for McPoopers - that was anything but 'easy on, easy off'.  And 'easy on, easy off' is going to be one of those things that you just say all the time - like, "happy birthday mama" and "MOM!!!! what's that noise???"  and "IT'S NOT WORKING!"
3)  Ed crying for a good part of the car ride because his tummy hurt.  Because he now hoards is poopies AND his farts.
4)  Seeing so many Amish.  Loved.

Take Aways
1)  Sometimes refusing to do anything results in better than expected adventures.
2)  Leave kids home if you have any plans of snuggling.
3)  Stay tuned for the next day's adventure.

Fun Fact
I was able to type this in about an hour - because the kids are still sleeping.  Normally it takes me multiple hours, if not all day.