These are the days that I love, love homeschooling. These. This. It happens once every 5 million years - but in these very rare instances, when all the stars align in the most glorious way. When I can breath for two seconds. And love, grateful for most. I love homeschooling.
First it starts with the weather. And there is no set perfect "love homeschooling" weather. But today is the most perfect, most quintessential day of fall. Dark. Miserably dark. Turn-the-lights-on-so-you-don't-trip dark. Misty and sometimes rainy. Leaves still on the trees. But half on the ground. And cold. It must be cold for a quintessential fall day.
I have one lamp on in the house. I figured I would take my chances tripping. And haven't so far.
The kids: One is completely naked, one is wearing a swim suit cover-up, and one is properly clothed.
Me?: Yes, yes. Still looking like Miss Hannigan
This week, I have decided to take off from the drudgery. Take a break from the brow beating. We've worked for 11 weeks without a break. So, well deserved for all. But mostly me.
I have a 3 year old, naked man figuring out a 60 piece puzzle. He won't stop talking. And I dream about yelling with the all the strength of 1000 earthquakes, "please, please SHUT UP". But I don't. I don't know when the next magical moment is going to come. And what if I squashed it, and then it never came? So I let him talk, and say "mama" 14 times in a row before he forms the rest of the sentence. And 99 out of 100 times it's something like: "mom, do you think this piece goes here?" But that 1 out of 100 times is so worth it. "mom, when you were a little boy, did you have a big scrotum?"
Murnice, hiding in the corner with all 20 Beanie Babies we got from Great Grandmother. So much imagination in the corner.
And this, all this, is why homeschooling is so great. Always together. Naked or not. Imagination growing and working. We can move slow, or we can move fast. I can look like a swamp donkey and snuggle just as effectively.
Today, I choose to ignore the pee-laden bathroom. It will still be there tomorrow. I will drink another cup of tea. I most likely will ignore lunch time and just pull our a bag of chips for the naked man and half clothed girl to fight over. And they'll feel like kings and queens eating chips for lunch. I will strive to make dinner. And if not, we'll have toast. With lucky butter. And if the stars stay aligned, I will attempt to start my fall sewing. Fall is for sewing. And re-vamping. And freshing-up and re-decorating.
Also, I broke a knife on a head of garlic. The middle of the blade snapped. My birthday knife is no more.
Take Aways
1) Attempt to look like a swamp donkey more than not
2) Eat chips only more than not
3) Be naked more than not
4) Stay away from garlic more than not
5) Don't paint your lamp in Easter egg colors, ever
Showing posts with label homeschooling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label homeschooling. Show all posts
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Monday, November 18, 2013
Life is Never Pretty
I felt hope. I felt grateful.
And it came sweeping over me with such gentle surprise.
You see, I've been sinking. We haven't been in the best health over here for a little while. I shower once a week. Literally. I don't get dressed. Heaps of dirty and clean laundry are scattered. I think I vacuumed last in 2011. The bottom of my white porcelain sink is orangy/brown. We eat food out of boxes. A new herd of fruit flies have moved in. Big ones. Twice the size of normal ones. And they don't like my fruit fly trap.
My bathroom is ripped to shreds. It has a functioning shower and toilet. But no sink. Which means nobody washes their hands anymore. Nor do we brush our teeth.
The sheets on the bed? Thank goodness Big D hasn't brought me "down-town" in awhile. Otherwise we'd be sleeping in crunch. Because that's how much I'm sinking.
There is no dinner. There are no thoughts of dinner.
And sometimes I sleep. And sometimes I don't. It all depends on how gracious Ed is. And if the stars align in their magical pattern. And if "cozy" (his blanket) is perfectly perched upon body. And if he can find his "hole" in blue. And if pink cat is present, but not hogging his personal space. And whether or not he needs to pee or have a drink. Or a snuggle.
And that's just during the night.
The days are far worse. With so much screaming and crying.
And Murnice fights me every second. If I take two breaths, she's off and playing. Because there is nothing more fanciful, than to play when there's school to do. Elaborate and thorough games.
But today, as I was sitting, taking my daily, convulsive, diarrhea-squirt session, I felt it. I felt a wave of gratitude.
I don't know where it came from. Or why it decided to show up. Or why it thought I was worthy. But I really liked that fleeting moment. I really liked feeling hopeful.
Honestly I didn't realize I was sinking this much, until I breathed fresh.
I wouldn't mind a prayer or two.
The end.
And it came sweeping over me with such gentle surprise.
You see, I've been sinking. We haven't been in the best health over here for a little while. I shower once a week. Literally. I don't get dressed. Heaps of dirty and clean laundry are scattered. I think I vacuumed last in 2011. The bottom of my white porcelain sink is orangy/brown. We eat food out of boxes. A new herd of fruit flies have moved in. Big ones. Twice the size of normal ones. And they don't like my fruit fly trap.
My bathroom is ripped to shreds. It has a functioning shower and toilet. But no sink. Which means nobody washes their hands anymore. Nor do we brush our teeth.
The sheets on the bed? Thank goodness Big D hasn't brought me "down-town" in awhile. Otherwise we'd be sleeping in crunch. Because that's how much I'm sinking.
There is no dinner. There are no thoughts of dinner.
And sometimes I sleep. And sometimes I don't. It all depends on how gracious Ed is. And if the stars align in their magical pattern. And if "cozy" (his blanket) is perfectly perched upon body. And if he can find his "hole" in blue. And if pink cat is present, but not hogging his personal space. And whether or not he needs to pee or have a drink. Or a snuggle.
And that's just during the night.
The days are far worse. With so much screaming and crying.
And Murnice fights me every second. If I take two breaths, she's off and playing. Because there is nothing more fanciful, than to play when there's school to do. Elaborate and thorough games.
But today, as I was sitting, taking my daily, convulsive, diarrhea-squirt session, I felt it. I felt a wave of gratitude.
I don't know where it came from. Or why it decided to show up. Or why it thought I was worthy. But I really liked that fleeting moment. I really liked feeling hopeful.
Honestly I didn't realize I was sinking this much, until I breathed fresh.
I wouldn't mind a prayer or two.
The end.
Friday, June 14, 2013
The Mom-Butt Hustle
I am officially growing up to be a mom. Mom butt. Mom belly. And mom excitement that today is Friday - yard sale day. A few years ago I wouldn't have left my couch for such frivolities. But today I felt brave.
On a side note we also ran to a few stores and made returns. One of the return places happened to be Aerie (where I went a few days ago for some smiles) And wouldn't you know that those sales ladies remembered me. (I gloated a bit.) AND they remembered something that happened that I forgot. So I'll share.
Remember my friend whom I won't name? Well, Murnice was in her son's way - and he hollered out, "move out of the way you old hag!".
Ok.Two things here. Three things here.
1) Murnice a hag? A seven year old? *chortle*
2) Who is calling who a hag at home I wonder . . .
3) The sales lady was still laughing about this 3 days later. Most perfect.
Anyway, a summary of our
Grossest thing observed:
30ish looking man with beard who was maybe attractive walking out behind a mom and two teenager daughters. Man could not look at anything besides the teenagers. I gagged twice. And farted once. On him. Or, too him. And then I rolled down the window and hollered "hey ya big fat perv" and then threw my half gnawed apple core at him.
Sweetest thing said by Murnice:
After I had returned my PURPLE watering hole and we were driving to the new location of momhood, Murnice began to console me from the backseat. Now I never mentioned that I was indeed a bit heartbroken that the stupid hunk of junk had the nerve to shatter. Actually, today I wasn't sad. It was two weeks ago that I was sad. But Murnice felt the need to console none the less. She's just going on and on about how we should just really look for a few one. And it was SO selfish of the other buyers to buy the good watering hole and leave us the broken one . . . and then she says, "well mom, I guess the soldiers are just going to have to fix your broken heart."
Most annoying part of my whole day:
I don't know directions/locations/area/left or right/NESW. I just have to use the GPS. So I typed in a yard sale address that didn't start until 12pm. (annoyed #1) The yard sale ended up being on the complete other side of the city. (annoyed #2) We finally got to the right road but the GPS took us further down than we needed to go - right to the brink of road work where i needed to wait in the slow/stop line. Waited my turn, went through the one-laned road, pulled a U-turn, almost got rear-ended, almost got t-boned, then went back through the one-laned road (after waiting our turn) to arrive at the yard sale (annoyed #3, #4, #5, and #6) This yard sale was the most chaotic occurrences that I have been privy to in awhile. Some tables with heaps of unmarked items. (annoyed #7) Some items on other tables had prices. Women were standing everywhere. Actually they were all bent over digging through boxes on the ground. Like crazed rodents. A cackle would occur periodically. There was this heap of items on the ground. It was a nice heap that had interesting things in it - but nobody was hovering. So I made a loud "IS THIS ANYBODY'S PILE"? All those cackling rodents stood up straight, stared at me with huge toothy smiles and nodded vigorously "yes, yes I THINK it is". (annoyed #8) Well, either it is or it isn't - because it looks like the rest of this heap of a sale. (I kept that to myself) I was finally ready to be done - had my 3 items in hand. One item had a price. Two items did not. *growl* I stood next to the table that had a metal cash box on it. And I stood there. For while. I scanned the crowd trying to make eye contact with somebody. Maybe even catch a glimpse of the "I'm in charge" face. Nothing. (annoyed #9) Once again I used my precious voice to get what I wanted, "WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE"? Oh, it's the lady who looks like she just smoked a pack of doobies. Excellent. I marched up to this lady and said, "are you in charge?" (I felt double asking was best) And she chaotically said, "well . . yes . . .um . . . um . . . .I guess . . . I think . . . " all while looking around the area. (annoyed #10) GET IT TOGETHER LADY!!!!! Then mysteriously, another lady who looked like she inhaled a lot of the doobie smoke, appeared right next to the first lady (who, by the way was wearing Jerusalem cruisers with white socks) They finally get it together enough to come up with a price for my two items that are price-less. AND THEN inform me that I owe "Socks" $2 and "Mystery Woman" $3. So I said, "you want me to pay you two separately? As in hand money to you and then hand money to you?" (annoyed #11) And they actually had the guts to say, "yeah. We couldn't figure out how to do it any other way." (annoyed #5 million) I am like a raging lunatic at this point. I am working with a bunch of idiots. Or maybe I was just feeling a bit dramatic today and I'm being too harsh. Blah!
Self-pity moment of the day:
Walking to a yard sale 5 streets over and see the girl who I wanted to be friends with 3 years ago, but she turned me down because I wasn't cool enough. Actually I think she turned me down because I mentioned something about wanting to talk about sex and maybe I was a little too blunt with my wordage. And probably because I didn't talk in a soft voice and probably because I have a mom butt. Waaaaaa
Take Aways
1) If you leave a comment on any of these here posts, write your name. Otherwise you'll miss out on me having fond thoughts of you because I won't know who to direct my fond thoughts to.
2) If you ever have this impulsive need to get things really randy in the bedroom, wake up singing this song to your lover. They get really excited.
3) Big D is home from work and I'm too grumpy, hungry, distracted to say anything else.
On a side note we also ran to a few stores and made returns. One of the return places happened to be Aerie (where I went a few days ago for some smiles) And wouldn't you know that those sales ladies remembered me. (I gloated a bit.) AND they remembered something that happened that I forgot. So I'll share.
Remember my friend whom I won't name? Well, Murnice was in her son's way - and he hollered out, "move out of the way you old hag!".
Ok.
1) Murnice a hag? A seven year old? *chortle*
2) Who is calling who a hag at home I wonder . . .
3) The sales lady was still laughing about this 3 days later. Most perfect.
Anyway, a summary of our
Grossest thing observed:
30ish looking man with beard who was maybe attractive walking out behind a mom and two teenager daughters. Man could not look at anything besides the teenagers. I gagged twice. And farted once. On him. Or, too him. And then I rolled down the window and hollered "hey ya big fat perv" and then threw my half gnawed apple core at him.
Sweetest thing said by Murnice:
After I had returned my PURPLE watering hole and we were driving to the new location of momhood, Murnice began to console me from the backseat. Now I never mentioned that I was indeed a bit heartbroken that the stupid hunk of junk had the nerve to shatter. Actually, today I wasn't sad. It was two weeks ago that I was sad. But Murnice felt the need to console none the less. She's just going on and on about how we should just really look for a few one. And it was SO selfish of the other buyers to buy the good watering hole and leave us the broken one . . . and then she says, "well mom, I guess the soldiers are just going to have to fix your broken heart."
Most annoying part of my whole day:
I don't know directions/locations/area/left or right/NESW. I just have to use the GPS. So I typed in a yard sale address that didn't start until 12pm. (annoyed #1) The yard sale ended up being on the complete other side of the city. (annoyed #2) We finally got to the right road but the GPS took us further down than we needed to go - right to the brink of road work where i needed to wait in the slow/stop line. Waited my turn, went through the one-laned road, pulled a U-turn, almost got rear-ended, almost got t-boned, then went back through the one-laned road (after waiting our turn) to arrive at the yard sale (annoyed #3, #4, #5, and #6) This yard sale was the most chaotic occurrences that I have been privy to in awhile. Some tables with heaps of unmarked items. (annoyed #7) Some items on other tables had prices. Women were standing everywhere. Actually they were all bent over digging through boxes on the ground. Like crazed rodents. A cackle would occur periodically. There was this heap of items on the ground. It was a nice heap that had interesting things in it - but nobody was hovering. So I made a loud "IS THIS ANYBODY'S PILE"? All those cackling rodents stood up straight, stared at me with huge toothy smiles and nodded vigorously "yes, yes I THINK it is". (annoyed #8) Well, either it is or it isn't - because it looks like the rest of this heap of a sale. (I kept that to myself) I was finally ready to be done - had my 3 items in hand. One item had a price. Two items did not. *growl* I stood next to the table that had a metal cash box on it. And I stood there. For while. I scanned the crowd trying to make eye contact with somebody. Maybe even catch a glimpse of the "I'm in charge" face. Nothing. (annoyed #9) Once again I used my precious voice to get what I wanted, "WHO'S IN CHARGE HERE"? Oh, it's the lady who looks like she just smoked a pack of doobies. Excellent. I marched up to this lady and said, "are you in charge?" (I felt double asking was best) And she chaotically said, "well . . yes . . .um . . . um . . . .I guess . . . I think . . . " all while looking around the area. (annoyed #10) GET IT TOGETHER LADY!!!!! Then mysteriously, another lady who looked like she inhaled a lot of the doobie smoke, appeared right next to the first lady (who, by the way was wearing Jerusalem cruisers with white socks) They finally get it together enough to come up with a price for my two items that are price-less. AND THEN inform me that I owe "Socks" $2 and "Mystery Woman" $3. So I said, "you want me to pay you two separately? As in hand money to you and then hand money to you?" (annoyed #11) And they actually had the guts to say, "yeah. We couldn't figure out how to do it any other way." (annoyed #5 million) I am like a raging lunatic at this point. I am working with a bunch of idiots. Or maybe I was just feeling a bit dramatic today and I'm being too harsh. Blah!
Self-pity moment of the day:
Walking to a yard sale 5 streets over and see the girl who I wanted to be friends with 3 years ago, but she turned me down because I wasn't cool enough. Actually I think she turned me down because I mentioned something about wanting to talk about sex and maybe I was a little too blunt with my wordage. And probably because I didn't talk in a soft voice and probably because I have a mom butt. Waaaaaa
Take Aways
1) If you leave a comment on any of these here posts, write your name. Otherwise you'll miss out on me having fond thoughts of you because I won't know who to direct my fond thoughts to.
2) If you ever have this impulsive need to get things really randy in the bedroom, wake up singing this song to your lover. They get really excited.
3) Big D is home from work and I'm too grumpy, hungry, distracted to say anything else.
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