Fantasy Crusher

Big D has this fantasy which involves me wearing one of these.  Every day.  All the time.

Excuse me for a moment.

*gag*  *gag*  *chunks are hurled*

He loves getting the Athleta and Title Nine magazines in the mail and picking out this and that.  Things for me to wear.  (????)

WHERE?  I'd like to know.  I don't work out.  And even if I did, I would do it with my mom clothes on. Sweatpants work great.  They keep all your secret, yours.  Nothing drives me MORE nuts than going to a fancier part of town and having all the ladies in their workout clothes.

Did you just work out?  Going to work out?  Or are you making the world THINK that you care about your heart - but really don't - so you just wear your spandex.  Or do you feel sexy?  Do you think I like to see every dimple on your buns?  Or your sweaty butt crack?  Or the jiggle that happens when you take every step?  Do women not realize that when you wear something like that - butt huggers - everybody looks.  (Or am I the only one that looks?)  I sure as heckity heck don't want ooglers checking out my bun secrets.

I REFUSE to wear that junk around the house.  363 days out of the year I'm freezing and therefore bundled well and thickly.  So, on those two days where I can wear my lusted after summer clothes, I am NOT going to grab some sort of man-mad material to squeeze in and then vaginally sweat and get a yeast infection.  Worst idea ever.  I would NOT feel like a queen.  And when mother does not feel like a queen, bad things happen.  My shoulders slump and I growl 3x more than usual.

I guess I should also say that Big D wishes that I ran and did all things athletic.

Wow, I could not be anymore opposite.  Give me my couch.  And tv.  And I wouldn't cry if I had a a few of these to munch on. (Would ya look at that ingredient list?)

And the stupid thing is - genetically,  I would be an amazing runner.  My dad's side of the family are ALL runners.  My dad still runs a million miles everyday.  Every Thanksgiving he runs a marathon (by himself) just to see how he's aging.  And I just sit and snort and squeal.

Take Aways
1)  Before you get married, really know what you're getting yourself into.
2)  Actually, before you get married, really get to know what your spouses fantasies are.
3)  Most people are too nervous to talk about their fantasies, but there's nothing to be ashamed about.  You like what you like and that makes you you.
4)  Unless you have fantasies because you watched rude, unrealistic "shows" that ruin marriages by bombarding minds with unrealistic fantasies
5)  But if they're organic, real-life original fantasies - I'll allow it.  Embrace them.

Fun Fact
I'm watching a pbs thingy on Jamaican musik - (and loving it) But, have you kids ever watched Jamaican dancers? Um whoa.  Actually, maybe you shouldn't. It might spark some sort of unoriginal fantasies.