How to Relieve Marriage Tension

Big D and I have been at each other's throats for a few weeks.  Actually, for 9 years.  We do not have - what you call - a smooth sailing marriage.  No.  It's more like fireworks and war.  Always loud.  Sometimes it's good loud.  And sometimes it's chaotic loud.  And that's just the way it is.

But over the weekend we tried a new exercise.  First, we striped down to our underwear and held hands.  Second, we locked eyes.  Third, we took turns blowing love messages to each other.  (this consists of not saying any words, you - the blower- thinks the love message while blowing and the receiver believes in their heart what you have just blown)  Fourth, after each blown love message, we would then tenderly kiss. Fifth, I just puked.  And I'm kidding a million percent.

What we actually did was yell complaints across the house to each other.  We had 23 minutes.  Big D washed dishes, I folded clothes.  Rules:  1) you can ONLY say a complaint and it has to be toward AND about the spouse 2) you have to yell the complaint 3) there can be NO rebuttal or excuse after a complaint is made towards you

Example:  Big D to Foxy "I HATE THE WAY YOU INSIST ON ME WEARING CERTAIN THINGS BUT YOU REFUSE TO WEAR ANYTHING THAT I LIKE"

Foxy to Big D "I HATE THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF STYLE AND INSIST ON BEING AN OLD MAN"

Can I just say - Big D really was terrible at this game. He was filled with "yeah, but . . . "  I, on the other hand really showcased my ability to play by the rules.

Then we followed up the complaint session by yelling only things that we liked about the other.  We had 30 minutes.  Rules 1) you had to yell 2) no rebuttals 3) it had to be nice

Example:  Big D to Foxy "I LIKE YOUR BOOBS"

Foxy to Big D "          "  (that would be silence)  But in my head "@9%#8q@)(#!(y%@)#"

Yeah . . . I didn't do so well at this one.  Guess I need a little more work in the compliment section.

Take Aways
1)  Doing this exercise brings so much satisfaction.
2)  It only works if you yell and have limited time.
3)  Because you then feel super rushed and yell out as many things as possible for fear of not emptying the complaint bank.
4)  Maybe I'll do this everyday.
5)  Sometimes I wonder why there are so many things that I need to work on.

Thoughts on fighting in front of kids.
Do it - unless between the fighting there is no resemblance of liking each other.  I think it's important for Murnice and Ed to see that a good fight is normal in a normal marriage.  And its not something to be afraid of.  P.S. that's my opinion.