The Day I Almost Died - Again

I didn't write about this earlier because I'm a lazy pig.  And do nothing but sleep on the couch and ignore laundry and dishes.  And bathing myself.  (Which is actually perfect.  Because that new hair color I just got - semi permy dye - will last about 7 times as long as it would on a normal person who cares about their hygiene.)(I never said I wasn't good at getting the most bang for my buck.)

A few weeks ago the circus came to town.  In a way, it's a tad old fashion sounding, and that feels nice.  Until I think about the poor animals. And then I get mad and wish I was protesting with the other protesters.  Instead, I just sulk my way past sign holders and pretend I don't care about the poor elephants.

So Big D works down town - and knows about back alleys and secret parking spots, and all sorts of other non-family places and areas.  But he still likes to take his family there.

I'm not sure if it's because his brain doesn't work properly, or if it's because his brain doesn't work properly.  Still trying to figure it out over here - 9 years later.

The setting:
Pitch black.  Middle of the city.  Both kids with us.  Semi-full bellies.  Lots of farts.  Hidden stash of water in bottom of "diaper-bag".  Freezing.

Big D parked us in our semi-sketchy spot.  And we booked our bottoms to a more appropriate family location - the sidewalk.

And in true Big D fashion, he took us on a special off-the-grid hike.  The least beaten path, you could say.  The path where nobody else was in sight.  Because it was dark.  With no lights.

Honestly, it wasn't too bad.  We got to see all the trailers and trailers of the circus.  But then, ahead of us, a dark ominous figure appeared, and started waddling toward us.  Just one.  In the dark.

But it ended up just being a nice, fat circus helper telling us we couldn't continue our walk in the current direction.  Something about the horses being crazy.  And there in the distance I could see horses whizzing in circles.  I think they were fed crack.  I guess crack horses would be more exciting to watch.

So instead of Big D taking us on a more family-friendly trip around the VERY large building, he some how scrounged up an even more highly alarming, secret passage, short cut.

A secret passage that took us right by the opening of the old aqueduct, that now houses the homeless and addicts.  And in true Big D fashion, he thought it to be the most opportune time to have a family field trip.

Dear Jesus.

Big D was holding Ed.  And Murr was in his hand.  I stood back on the platform, in case something happened "I would be able to run and get help".  Yes, I really thought this.  And then I thought, "my goodness, you're being such a cantankerous panty wad.  Go have a field trip."

Yup, so I had a field trip.  I walked to the ledge of the old aqueduct.  And it was beautiful.  Well, I could imagine it was beautiful.  It was pitch black.  You could see through the windows on the other side.  But inside the actual aqueduct, it was the black that made your eyes ache.

I listened to Big D give his presentation.  I think it lasted about 20 seconds.

And then the voice of Satan appeared.  It was incomprehensible.  And loud. And so gravely, my ears got road rash.  It was oh, so close to my face, but invisible.

I was so startled.  And so angry.  I grabbed Murr's coat, picked her off her feet.  And threw her out onto the platform, grabbed her hand.  And when I say "high-tailed it".  Just imagine that to be an understatement.

Once I got to safety, I turned around to see where Big D was.  . . . . .  Big D, still holding my son - was still standing on the ledge - and I quote - "to try to see who was talking".

The rage.  Oh the rage.
1)  I knew this was going to happen.
2)  Why would you take your family to a very well-known sketchy area?
3)  Why would you just stand there asking to be dismembered, WHILE holding your son?
4)  Was Big D dropped on his head as a baby?

 And I have nothing else to say.  Except I survived my 2nd close brush with death.  

Maybe secretly I'm a cat.  I guess technically a Fox is close enough.