Never Assume

It's always a little awkward when you think you're the only person in the house.  And you produce an enormous amount of unflattering noises that come from unflattering places.  And maybe the songs you sing are a bit pitchy and rude.  And the crashing and thrashing that's being produced while cooking dinner is a tad alarming.

It can be quite awkward just assuming that you're all alone only to realize that maybe you're not.

And you happen to walk into the darkened living room and there beholden unto you, is a god-like creature sprawled in the recliner with a cup of coffee.

Things that physically happened 
1) My vocal cords collapsed, which resulted in a gasp and gargle, followed by a choke
2) My heart landed on the floor, flopped around and then crawled back into my chest cavity via the back door.

Things I thought
1)  Where did this creature come from?
2)  How did he get in this back room without me noticing?
3)  What is he doing lounging around drinking coffee?  (I have a thing for creatures that lounge and drink coffee.  Argyle socks are an added bonus)
4)  What are the things he's heard?
5)  How long has he been in here?
6)  Who is this special gift?

Things I said
(after  I was done choking, gasping, and my heart had resumed its normal behavior)  Are you a parent?

Then I ran - after we had a decent amount of awkward time, and went back to the kitchen and did kitchen things and died a thousand deaths.

It was like walking in on somebody taking a poop in your garage.

The good news was - it was dark.  And we couldn't see each other's eyes.  Just outlines.  And muscles. And coffee.  And voices.

And then the worst part happened.  That coffee drinking muscle creature stumbled out into the revealing lights.  I worked furiously.  *look busy and unapproachable* *scrub that cup*  And that man walked right over into my peripheral vision and stood.  And I washed.  And he stood there.  And I washed.   But he wasn't leaving.  Just staring.  And waiting.

*NO!  NO EYE CONTACT!*  But I had to.  Because he was just standing and waiting.  I had to look and acknowledge that the uncomfortable moment of number 584,395,110 in my life had happened.

I looked.  And the creature was gone.  It was just a regular blue-eyed man.  With muscles.  And a crumpled shirt.  And he asked where he could throw his coffee cup.

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Doesn't this man know what the rules are of awkward meetings - at all cost, avoid another meeting?  Especially in the light?

Apparently he missed THAT memo.

Or maybe, that memo is only for women, and men get a different memo.

Take Aways
1)  Never assume that you are alone.
2)  Wear a bag over your head.  And don't cut eye holes.


Fun Facts
I moved in with my mother.  And that's all I'm going to say.