Not the Safe Choice

I haven't really talked about this - but I have been interviewing for a job.  A nursey job.  It's been a 2 month process.

It was a perfect opportunity, doing something that I'm ridiculously excited about.  It could not have been a better set up for me - being a stay at home mom - or shall I say, SAHM.

First interview went great.  And that was because I didn't have to say much.  They just wanted to let me know what their business was all about.  And before I left we had set up a second interview.

Second interview was a tad more challenging.  I had to do a lot more tongue flapping.  There were a lot of forehead crinkles at things I would say.  And honestly, I was not expecting to be invited back.

But I was.  For a third time.  And I had the best time at my 3rd.  Maybe I was just getting used to the process.  Or I just decided to be my snazz-sparkle self.  It was glorious.  I walked away expecting not to get the job, but relishing in the fact that I was true down to my toes and that I got a bunch (and I mean a bunch) of funny looks and squirms.

Let me preface what I'm going to say next, by saying that my lie (and everybody has a lie that they're told) is that I'm not good enough.  Such a good lie.  And I believe more than I would like to admit.

I got the call yesterday that let know that they had "found somebody else that fit the job requirements better".

For those of you who have gotten this call for an opportunity that you were a bit stoked about - know the hurt.

First I believed the lie - I'm not good enough.  Then I cried 37 tears.  Then I wondered why it took two months and 3 interviews for them to tell me that I was too rad for them.  Then I started to question myself on how I answered the questions.  Then I got angry at their lack of open heartedness and their inability to take a risk and hire somebody who would rock their world on all the levels that their world is built.

And then I remembered that Jesus only gives us the best.  And that this was a gift.  And I wouldn't cry or feel rage for a perfect gift handed to me from Sally Jones, why should I feel grumpled over this gift - that I know is perfect.

So I'm choosing, choosing this gift.  Refusing the lie, the best I can.  And believing that God is allowing me the chance and opportunity to stay home full time, to homeschool full time, to have playtime with friends full time.  To continue to cook dinner 3x a week and wash poopy underwear full time.  I'm going to choose to trust the bigger and better picture that I can't see, but I'm learning about through experience.

I know in my heart of hearts that I was indeed the perfect person for this job opening.  But  I was not the safe candidate, and I understand a business wanting to make a safe decision.  I wasn't safe because I still have young children at home and the probability of me leaving the company within a few years is great - and training takes up to a year.  Also, they need somebody a tad more conservative in the vocal arena.

Take Aways
1)  Choose to look at the unpleasantries as a gift.
2)  Or at least try.
3)  Say no to your lie.
4)  And look at pictures of all the sweet babies that have entered their new world.  Welcome Miles, Evelyn, Benaiah, and Isaac!