Wonderland

My body is a dermatologist's wonderland right now.  The problem being:  chlorine is my enemy.

Anywhere that skin touches skin = hives, rashes, flare-ups, intense itching, and such.  Including my eye lids.

I have this incredibly sexy skin routine to help make life a tad more manageable as well as squander the rumor that I have body lice.  It is not preventative, only helps.

Here's how it goes:

1)  Before entering water, apply a thick layer of Vaseline under arms, behind legs, and (gulp) and where the sun don't shine unless Big D and I are being exciting - these are the areas that react the worst to the chlorine
2)  Immediately after exiting pool, rush to take a shower with Dr. Bronner.  Apply layer of Dr. Bronner and let sit for a minute.  Rinse off.
3)  Wipe down Vaseline area's of body with vinegar soaked cloth and let sit on skin for 1 minute.
4)  Hop around enthusiastically, pretending you're the Easter Bunny.
5)  Re-soap up body with Dr. Bronner and poof, scrubbing dangerously hard and rinse.
6)  Upon getting home for the day, apply layer of arrowroot powder via a make-up brush on Vaseline area's of the body.  This allows the body to not sweat, which exacerbates the vicious cycle of sweating, itching, move hives, etc.
7)  Right before bed, apply a thin layer of corticosteroid cream to arm and leg area.

It's more than a pain-in-the-butt.  It takes a lot of time.  My running off to the shower and minimal entrance into the pool makes me look like a weeny whiny baby . . . . . . ..  It's awkward when people touch me and they get a finger full of Vaseline (haha, that'll teach them for touching me)

And on top of all my skin pooplems, my head has decided to reject the whole idea of chlorine as well.  I sneeze all day.  Which produces massive amounts of snot.  (Do you know how hard it is to blow your nose while in the pool?)  I also look like I have a horrific case of wanky pink eye.  (I try not to get too close to the parents, for fear they'll panic, hit me over the head, and never send their children back)

So to sum things up,  I am a lust worthy lady over here.  Big D could not be more thrilled that he does not have to share the bed with the pink-eye, flea infested, Easter Bunny (get it?  The vinegar smell?)

You may ask, is it really worth it to work at a place where your body rejects your decision?  Yup.  Sure is. (Thanks for asking, by the way.)  It's like my skin is just being a naughty screamy two-year-old.  I'm not going to leave the store until I get what I came for.  You can scream all you want, but this mama ain't leaving.

This mama wants her bathroom redid.  I want to feel like a queen when bathroom duties call.  NOT like a sad turnip in a cardboard box.  Waaaaaahhh!

Take Aways
1)  Yup.

 Fun Fact
Murnice is learning how to play chess, which reminds me:  when Bruver Bear Chuck and I were kids of a reasonable age, we had to stop playing chess together.  Because, it always ended up in a bar-room brawl.  I think the reasonable age was teenagers old. Homeschoolers are cool.