Romanticism

I have had the most romantic thoughts about what life was going to be like once I moved back home.

Sometimes, I get a bit silly - thinking such foolish thoughts.  There has been nothing even remotely romantic about the past few days - minus that one time on Saturday that I got a movie from Red Box.  But it was Lincoln.  And although it was educational, and the script was excellent - I have never enjoyed watching movies that are filmed in the dark.  It makes me quite batty.  Physically and mentally.  I chomped Big D's ninnies too hard.  He screamed.

So in lieu of my romantic dreams being smashed and for my love of lists, here is a list of my grossly unromantic life here, at the Witherhalls:

1)  Finding massively large, leggy, fast, spiders all throughout the house.  Hidden is secret corners that aren't really secret.  But when SOMEBODY doesn't clean for 6-weeks, including sweeping the kitchen floor because they think that they are as crumb-less as a piece of turkey breast - (*cough cough*) spiders do indeed take up residency.  And then I have to spend my whole day babysitting these said spiders because I'm too afraid of trying to kill them.  Missing completely while closing my eyes and screaming - and then the spider is lost, crawling over cozy spots instead of corners.

2)  Sitting on my own toilet seat, and bathing my bottom in urine.  Thank you Ed.  Who pees 3000 times a day because he gets a starburst every time he pees.  And he literally will pee, grab his "ink" starburst (that I have to unwrap because they are from last year's candy hunt and too old and too sticky for any sane person to unwrap is any sort of distinguished manner)  And while he's still slurping the juice running down his chin from the very old and sloppy starburst, he will then run back to the toilet to squeeze out another 1/2 a drop of urine (that inevitably lands on the toilet seat) just to have another tasty "reat".  Over and over.  Multiplied by 3000 . . . . . .

3)  Almost screaming and knifing make-believe person 17 times, in the bathroom.  Big D has decided that triathlons are for him.  And I'm so pleased that he is in love, working his degenerating muscles.  However, Big D wants to feel fancy, and has bought any and everything that you could possibly need, want, use, think-about, dream-about, fantasize-about, lust after, wonder-about, and or wear.  Including the full body size wetsuit.  It's black.  And very large.  And Big D hangs it in the shower.  Today I am cursing my peripheral vision.

THIS JUST IN THIS JUST IN !!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so as I was typing all the unromantic love busters, the most romantic thing happened.

It comes with a little story:

For those of you that talk on the phone with me (Sister Bear and Mother) know that my phone (my beloved Blueberry) is a piece of rotten butt juice.  And PRAISE THE LORD, it was time for my early get-a-new-phone.  And I got the iphone 4s.  Not because I want to feel fancy, but more because it is the relative size of my Blueberry - and my hands are small. *snicker snicker*  Now all weekend, nobody had called me.  Because I only talk to Sister Bear and Mother - and they were busy with their important lives.  But today, today I got a call from the very important Iss.  And gee darn barn, I missed the call.  But she left a voice message.  Well, the iphone is a piece of junk that tries to appear fancier than it really is.  It tells you that you have secret codes to get your voice mail.  It said that I had an old secret code, and needed to make a new secret code.  That's the biggest bunch of diarrhea squirts I've heard all day.  So I tried to rectify the situation by calling my phone company.  Alas, everything is under Big D's name and I don't have his important numbers memorized.  (This is the longest lamest story ever . . . . )  Jumping to the end . . . .  I just got a text message from said phone company that said what my secret wizard twirls had been changed.  Which means that Big D, in the throws of trying to act professional and flirty with all the bimbos he works with - made a very important phone call.  And fixed my ever alarming problem.  (Ooohh baby, mama's getting hot tonight.)

(Kidding.  But maybe not.)

I feel like a queen.  And I'm going to make dinner now.  And it's going to be good.

Take Aways
1)  I hate surprises, but I loved this one.
2)  You need good peripheral vision for spider babysitting, but not for wetsuit hangings.
3)  My wanky eye is still wanky.
4)  I am so hungry because I've eaten minus three corn kernels all day, due to my starburst unwrapping.
5)  I'm going to eat 7 bowls of soup tonight.