Oh, the mood swings. How can one be perfectly perfect one second and then growling the next. I literally growled at Big D this morning. And flung dung. At his head. But that was in my head. I flung dung at his head in my head. Why? Because he kissed me goodbye. Naturally that deserved a cursed growl and dung flinging.
But when I was sitting and crying and flinging dung, the most magical thing happened. It happens every few weeks. And every time it happens, the feelings you get when you see a shooting star surface.
There's this dad in the neighborhood. Ghost dad. Because who really knows where he lives. Or even if he's a real human. But, he wears his roller blades and pushes the stroller with the baby in it. He flys. It's not a gentle baby ride. This man is going full-out, sweaty drip-balls workout. And it happens so fast that you feel lucky to have caught it.
I have a friend who has to make up a story in her head before she partakes of the goodness of the marriage bed. And it's not a fast story. It's a whole, big-kid chapter book. Scenes. Play-by-plays . . . Anyway, I saw GD and immediately my mind went into story-mode:
GhostDad: Hon I'm going to go to the gym
Baby: Wahhhhh
GhostWife: Richard!! I am trying to look beautiful. I have 4 more coats of mascara to apply and then I have my hair. You know how long it takes me to do my hair??!!! If you're going to the gym, you can just take the baby!
GhostDad: Petunia, I can't take him cuz kidwatch isn't open yet. It's only 7:15. . .
Baby: Wahhhh
GhostWife: Well, then why don't you put your stupid little rolleyblades on and go for a roll around the neighborhood!!
I do this thing where I like to imagine other people in the mornings. Getting ready. Or, not getting ready. I have this romantic notion that mornings are quiet and filled with warmish hot coffee and big fluffly robes and little sneaky kisses between lovers and clean rumpled sheets and soft sunlight streaks.
But probably the reality is, that it's exactly like my house. Growls and tears and filthy sheets and cold herbal coffee that tastes like a used enema.
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I read a statement today that said: For every month you were sick, expect 1-2 months of healing. So, if I've been REALLY sick since April, and now we're in September I should start to feel or see healing changes in 5-10 months. But really how long have I been sick? I don't know. In November I noticed my hair starting to thin, but that's all I can go on.
You've probably heard the saying, "everything causes cancer". Well, I feel that way with thyroid junk. Everything causes thyroid problems. I learned today that a copper IUD can contribute to thyroid issues. Yup. had one of those. Also I have used steroids my whole life for skin pleasantries and lung function. And have swum in a chlorinated pool 3/4 of my life and have eaten brominated everything. And gluten! Gosh, apparently gluten is the devil himself. I even had mono. But you know, I'm just over greeting that mountain with joy. Blessed blessed joy.
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Can I be honest? I really thought I was going to keel over and die on this parasitic cleanse. I know it's only been 3 days, and whole lot can happen in the next 27 - but I'm feeling pretty confident that life will remain.
So another part of my healing process is the use of coffee enemas. Yup, I give myself an enema. And I enjoy it. And it has come to my attention that I have horrific bowl control. The longest that I have retained said enema is 3 1/2 minutes. I'm supposed to do at least 15 minutes. The average that I can retain is about 54 seconds. So today was enema day since I didn't poo this morning. And remember, expelling the toxins is key to not feeling terribly sick.
I did indeed manage to poo right before the enema. And satisfaction was had when I saw 2 thread like ... threads sticking out. They must be worms because I will not take any other answer.
Dinner?
Bleeding meat on the grill
Brussel sprouts
Salad
WHERE ARE THE CARBS! There are none. Ever.
Takeaways
1) Do not look down on others oddities They're doing the best they know and believe how.
2) Question everything and believe nothing.
3) Educate yourself on candida. If you catch it early, you could save yourself a lot of , a lot ofs. (Dr. Axe is quite generous with his rules compared to everybody else FYI)
4) Schedule the most awkward sex of your life tonight. You won't regret it.
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