Fifteen Ways?

I got an email from Big D this morning.  It said this:

                              "Not sure who came up with these, but not even close."

And this is what followed:

Fifteen Ways to Please Your Husband

1. Write him a letter and send it to his office, or put a love note in his lunch box or his briefcase.
2. Prepare his favorite meal.
3. Arrange an evening out for just the two of you.
4. Wear his favorite dress with your hair done the way he likes it.
5. Purchase something small and frivolous for him that he won't buy himself.
6. Give him a nicely framed picture of yourself, or of you and the children, for his office.
7. Surprise him with a trip to do something he likes.
8. Put the children to bed early and prepare a candlelight dinner.
9. Do something that especially pleased him back when you were dating.
10. Pray and read the Scriptures with him daily.
11. Take walks together.
12. Keep your junk out of the garage.
13. Greet your husband warmly after work.
14. Wear his favorite negligee, or buy a new nightgown to add sizzle to your evening attire.
15. Clean out the car for him.

Not really sure what to think.  Big D reads blogs?  And weird ones at that.

But in honor of Big D, and his attempt to be well rounded and read blogs, I thought maybe I would come up with my own list.

Here she be:

Fifteen Ways to Please Big D 

1. Write a letter explaining (in detail) how things are going to go down, after the kids are asleep.  Don't mail it - takes too long.  Email it, in hopes that the "higher ups" find it and flag it - and then reprimand Big D.
2.  Prepare his favorite meal, wearing heels and a thong.
3.  Arrange an evening in - just the two of you.  An evening in that revolves around 1 thing, and 1 thing only.
4.  Wear nothing but a thong.  And maybe some heels.
5.  Buy a thong for yourself, and then wear it.
6.  Take some nude shots and frame them.  Better yet, get a professional naughty photo shoot done. And frame.  And mail to his office.
7.  Surprise him with some sporting event.  And then shank his bones.  While at the sporting event.
8.  Put the kids to bed early.  Have drunken sex.
9.  Get a new set of braces.  And wear pig tails.  Every day.
10.  I've got nothing snarky for number 10
11.  Take walks to firm up my buns.  Actually, run.  Big D loves runners.  *ahem*  Big D loves runner's buns and legs.
12.  Keep your junk, in your trunk.  
13.  Greet your husband in a thong, after work.
14.  Wear a thong and nipple fringe to add to your evening attire.  Maybe some heels, for those special occasions.
15.  Trash his car with love making remnants.

The end.

Actually, whoever made the first list is an idiot.  Not being rude, but apparently she's either married to a tight wad who doesn't have a wanker.  Or she has no idea what her husband really wants. 

Anybody else have a list they would like to add?

P.S.  I'm in a rude mood.