I Will Not Swallow

I named her Mother Green Toes, because that's what she is.  She's a mother to a large car load of kids.  And she does things that would put a green-thumber to shame.

I got real lucky when B.B. Chuck married her.

These are some of the things that M.G.Ts does:
1)  Cloth diapers and cloth wipes
2)  Doesn't own a chemical
3)  Researches every bloody thing there is too research, and finds the  best there is
4)  Homebirths
5)  Grinds her own flour
6)  Eats Great-Grandmother's Soggy Old Feet on a regular basis (oatmeal)
7)  Her make-up is from the holy earth
8)  Garden and cans like she's on a witch hunt for peace and love
9)  For snacks and lunch, her car load of kids eat out of the garden and bushes and trees
10) She doesn't drink soda, or eat any processed food
11) She gets all of her teeth proceedures (fillings, root canals, etc.) done without any pain killers
12) Kidding with #11
13) She only wears Birkenstocks, Dansko, and Toms
14) She never growls
15) She cooks from scratch for all of her meals
16) She has an egg lady
17) And she makes her own yogurt, that she dumps too much evaporated milk into

But she does like her fancy cheese.  And her even more fancy coffee that's naturally decaffeinated using the Swiss Water method.  (Who has ever heard of this?)(I told you M.G.T. researches everything.)

The only only thing I have ever caught M.G.T. doing/using mainstream chemical U.S.A. - would be her shampoo and conditioner.  And it's good stuff.  But that's because she researched it and found good stuff.

Anyway, so M.G.T. was a real swell hostess when I stayed with her for that extra long amount of time.  And she offered to make me breakfast on occasion.  Eggs and muffins.  Naturally I agreed.

Steamy hot pumpkin muffins and jiggly-jelloey eggs.  So perfect.

But the next thing that happened was not perfect.  It was quite confusing. 

I took an extra large bite of egg runnies and muffin crumbs, and was immediately punched in the gag reflex.  I tipped my head back, as to not spew my load across the table and into M.G.T's face.

And then I didn't know what to do.  I was a guest.  And I had a hostess.  And it is not normally appropriate to lunge from the table while making guttural heaving grunts, and race to the sink - spitting and spitting and sighing and heaving some more.  And saying things like, "ew" and "gross" and "wow".

No, that's not appropriate at all.

But that's exactly what I did.  I don't know about you, but if you ever had a rotten egg crammed in your mouth, you would do the same thing too.  There's just something about that experience that turns you all ape-like and rabid.  And you can't think. And you don't care.  But you do know that that egg needs to come out, at all reputational-ruining, feeling-hurting, never-invited-back cost.

Can you believe that M.G.T. blamed her feeding me a rotten egg, on account of her egg lady?

Did I mention what a lucky lady I am to have M.G.T. as a sister?