1) Make sure the house is trashed with appropriate crumbs heaped under table and dirty dishes piled high.
2) Definitely make sure that you have not showered in approximately 4 days.
3) Wear skuzzy green running shorts and sweaty floraled grey tank top that Big D despises.
4) Apply zero amounts of makeup.
5) Do not wash face for 3 days.
6) Have the front of your hair plastered to your head with grease, properly pinned down with neon bobby pin. And the back of your hair should be placed in a mom pony tail with a huge dread in the middle. It's actually less of a dread and more of a beehive.
7) Eat bagel smothered in cottage cheese moments before said co-worker arrives.
8) And most definitely, do not brush teeth - for fear of removing smashed curds from grooves.
If you can accomplish all of these requirements, then you are ready to meet your spouses new co-worker who happens to be riding his bike over at that precise moment. Don't feel too alarmed, for there is not enough time to do anything to get ready. In fact, this is the perfect opportunity to practice not apologizing for the state of your home. Or for your own personal state, for that matter.
And the best part is, co-workers girl friend will be following shortly in her car. Oooo goody. I love meeting new co-workers and their girlfriends. The girlfriend making this meet and greet that much more exciting. That much more puke worthy.
Just smile and nod. And maybe even tell the new co-worker that next time he sees you, to say "my, you clean up real good".
Take Aways
1) Always keep your sense of humor close by.
2) Practice smiling and nodding extra good to ensure that the curds in your teeth are flashed appropriately.
3) Contemplate making cookies to bring by the office while wearing your foxy-est attire and extra huge push-up bra and casually stroll by co-workers cube.
4) Five cheers for humble-hood.
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